We are all born with innate wisdom. The moment we come into this world, we have an intuitive guide built into our being. We use this guide to make choices based on how we feel. We trust ourselves, and other people trust us too. An infant cries, and we check in. We know that the baby is hungry, tired, or in discomfort. We don’t question whether or not the baby knows what they are feeling in that moment. When a child is learning to walk, we trust them. We give them as much time as they need to learn at their own pace. Nobody knows when or how the child will learn to walk, because he has his own guide to tell him what feels right.
As children grow and learn they get to know their intuitive guide and how to use it. Unfortunately, this often gets intercepted at a young age. Little by little, we unintentionally take away a child’s ability to listen to their instincts.
“Finish what’s on your plate if you want dessert.”
“Snack time is at 10:00am, you need to wait.”
“Go to the bathroom right now.”
“Don’t climb on that! It’s not safe.”
“You are too little for that ride.”
“You are too old to watch that show.”
“Just go down the slide, you will be fine.”
“If you don’t play with other kids you will never have friends.”
“Bed time is at 8:00pm, I don’t care if you aren’t tired.”
“Give grandpa a hug and a kiss; it’s the polite thing to do.”
“Put your coat on, it’s freezing outside.”
“Don’t cry, it’s not a big deal.”
Children know when they are capable of doing something physically challenging. They are fully aware of how comfortable they feel about kissing and hugging someone. They know when they are tired, hungry, hot, and cold. They know what feels safe and what doesn’t. They know what they enjoy and what they would rather not do. As a result of our conditioning, we unknowingly tell our children “I don’t trust you, and you shouldn’t trust yourself.”
In school, there are a lot of rules. Children eat at the allotted times. There are rules surrounding what types of food can be brought into the school. Permission is needed to use the bathroom, and certain children are targeted as “habitual users”. There is a short time for outside play, but only if the weather is nice. It is ideal for kids to be attentive, calm, and obedient. Anything outside of these expectations is considered undesirable behavior. Children are not given the chance to listen to their own bodies or trust their intuition. All bodily autonomy is removed, and what they are left with is a schedule that doesn’t meet their individual needs mentally, physically, or spiritually. There is a curriculum to follow with an academic goal in mind. The opportunity for our children to become free thinkers disappears and we are left with compliant, submissive individuals who have learned nothing more than how to move on to the next grade level.
It doesn’t surprise me to know that so many adults have a difficult time standing up for themselves, listening to their needs, and setting boundaries. As children move in to adolescence, it gets worse. When they finally have the freedom to choose- they are left feeling confused. The school schedule, arbitrary rules, and lack of independence hinders teenagers and young adults from knowing the next steps to take in life. They haven’t used their intuitive guide in so long, that they look at the road ahead and see two choices: take a leap of faith and go on a journey of self-exploration, or go back to school. This isn’t about what they want and it never has been. Young adults who haven’t had the chance to get to know themselves or their inner wisdom will likely spend most of their adult life trying to find answers. As adults we are directly and indirectly told by bosses, the government, health care professionals, social media, magazines, and the mainstream news that we should not trust our own hearts. We are told time and time again that we need advice and guidance. Our inner knowing gets pushed down further and further until we begin to question if we ever had it to begin with. We get in line, do as we are told, and let go of any sparkle of wisdom that shows itself. A gut feeling or a dream is labeled as “too big” or “just a crazy thought”. We don’t stray outside the box, because we were taught that outside the box is a very dangerous place.
The best thing that we can do for our children is to let them be. Let them learn through their own choices, not the ones that we think are best. Let them listen to the whispers of their hopes and dreams. Let them notice what feels good in their bodies and what does not. Let them say no and get curious about their opinions. Let them feel their feelings without immediately fixing it. Our job is not to shape and mold our children into what we think they need to be, our job is to hold space for them and allow them to grow by listening to their intuitive guide. If we take that away from them, they may never get it back.