The absence of a curriculum felt rebellious when we started our homeschooling journey. How will we know when to learn if we don’t have a schedule to rely on? How will we know what they should be learning if nobody tells us? Are we going to screw our kids up?
When we realized that learning happens organically without a store-bought plan, it brought forth a new way of thinking about self-directed education. Allowing our children to blossom in their own unique ways has created an environment that is conducive to exploring and inquiring. A ridged system of tasks and grades would not support our children like unschooling does. Our kids learn every day in a way that makes sense to them, while being supported by the adults in their lives.
My seven-year-old son approached me one morning and said “Mom, I want to take stuff apart.”
Here are some things I might have responded with if I was coming from a place of fear and control:
“We shouldn’t take our nice things apart.”
“That will make a mess.”
“You will have to put it all back together.”
“You don’t know how to use tools.”
“Let’s find something else to do.”
Instead, I responded from a place of love and curiosity:
“That sounds like a cool idea! What would you like to take apart?”
Asking questions, getting curious, and believing in your child will go a long way. It is not our job to decide how a child should be spending their time, and it’s certainly not our job to assume we know exactly why they are interested in a particular thing.
I let Andre take the lead without over-involving myself. He walked over to a shelf and picked up a heavy basket full of Hot wheels, Monster Trucks, and other toy vehicles. After placing it on the living room rug, he went into the closet for his tool set. He opened his bag of real tools including screwdrivers, wrenches, hammers, nuts, bolts, and nails. Andre has been using tools since he was a toddler and knows how to safely and appropriately use them. He noticed that many of our old toy trucks used to have sound- a firetruck, an ambulance, and a tow truck. He began removing the battery plates to see if we could replace any of them. He was able to replace two of the truck’s battery sets, but one of them needed small, round batteries that we didn’t have.
“Mom, would you mind taking a picture of the batteries so that we can look for them the next time we go to the store?” he asked.
As I took a picture of the tiny letters, Andre moved on to something new. He found a miniature remote control car that he wanted to take apart. He dug through his tool bag to find the right screw driver- he knew that he needed a very small one to be able to remove the screws. Andre spent a lot of time taking this particular car apart. I watched him as he carefully inspected each part from the inside of the car. He was totally fascinated and engaged with what he was doing.
He paused for a moment before looking up at me. “Mom, I want to make a remote-control car.”
A response from a place of fear and control might have been:
“We don’t have time for that today.”
“That seems like a big project, let’s do something else.”
“You have no idea how to make a remote-control car. It’s too hard.”
Instead, I responded from a place of love.
“That sounds like an amazing idea! I don’t know how to make a remote-control car- do you?”
“No, I don’t know how to make one either.” He replied.
“That’ ok! Let’s see if we can find an online class or video to help us.”
We searched the internet and found some online STEM classes involving electronics, gears, levers, and controls. We also found a couple of great YouTube channels. We talked about going to the library to find books on the topic of engineering and mechanics. The next step is to figure out how Andre wants to learn to make an RC car and facilitate his learning experience without getting in the way.
My nine-year-old son approached me one evening with a big smile on his face.
“Mom, I want to get an Audi when I’m 16. Well, maybe when I’m 20 so I can save up the money.”
If I were to respond from a place of fear or judgment, I might say:
“That’s ridiculous, Audis are expensive.”
“Why are you worried about that now, you are only nine.”
“Well, you better hope you have a good job because I’m not paying for that.”
Immediately shutting down a goal or a dream- no matter how far out it may seem, can be soul crushing for a child. Who am I to assume that Eli won’t be financially well off by the time he is 20 years old? Maybe he will work at a car dealership, or maybe he will be gifted an Audi by a mentor. It is not my place to decide what he gets to dream about. Projecting my own fears surrounding money and success will only hinder his enthusiasm. My job is to support his ambitions and be there as a guide along the way.
Instead, I responded with interest and compassion.
“An Audi? Those are nice cars! What color do you think it would be if you could choose?”
Eli ran into his bedroom to get the tablet. “I can show you!”
He began showing me all of the research he has done on Audis. He had tabs open to dealerships, the official Audi website, Youtube videos of people driving Audis, and a price comparison chart. He knew all of the makes and models, the prices, and the pros and cons of owning an Audi.
“If I start working when I’m 15 or 16, and I save up every year, do you think I can do it? Also, is it ok if I live with you for a while?”
“Yes of course! You can live with us as long as you want buddy.”
“Ok thanks. I looked it up and I can start working at the age of 14 as long as the job doesn’t have any danger. If there is a grill I have to be 16.”
At just nine years old, my son is setting some pretty big goals. He is heavily researching the market and beginning to envision what it will be like to own the car of his dreams. He is setting an expectation to start working and making money as soon as he is legally able to. In his mind, there are no limits to what he can achieve. Moving forward, I can nurture his love of cars by having car magazines around the house, taking him to a dealership to see them in person, and going to car auctions. I can also look into the requirements to work in our state and prepare myself for him eventually getting a license to drive. I am aware that we are still years away from him working and driving, but Eli is prioritizing these things right now. Supporting his passions now will give him confidence and let him know that I am here to support whatever it is that he wants to do.
There are so many opportunities for learning by simply living our lives. Children have their own unique interests, aspirations, and untainted imaginations. The way we respond to them has a huge impact on their belief in themselves and the choices that they make in life.