I’ll never regret giving up the life I used to live for the one I’m living now.
Waking my children out of a deep slumber and forcing them to get dressed for the day was getting real old, real fast. I used bribery and coercion to get them to do what I wanted with little to no regard for their feelings. If they could not wake up, my only choice was to throw their clothes into a bag and carry them to the car asleep. It felt unnatural to wake them in this way, but I had no choice- so I thought. Now, our mornings unfold just as slowly as the sun rises. We enjoy long snuggle sessions in my king sized bed, which I bought for the sole purpose of squeezing all of us in- including the dogs. Beginning the day in a quiet, peaceful environment changes the course of our day.
There was a time when breakfast was served daily in the car on the way to our destination in the morning. I didn’t have time to cook, and they didn’t have time to choose; which meant I needed to choose for them. I tried to pick foods that were easy to eat on the go. Once we got on the road, there was no turning back. Breakfast in the car often ended in arguments about what was chosen, stained clothes, and rushed eating. These days, we often enjoy homemade pancakes and breakfast sausage. We bake muffins together and use our juicer to make fresh apple carrot juice. Not every day is a fancy breakfast day, sometimes it’s jelly toast or a bowl of cereal. The difference now is that my kids get to choose what they eat, when they eat, and they get to enjoy it more mindfully.
Pajamas have always been considered night time apparel, usually wrapped in with the bed time routine, but not anymore. The switch to daytime clothes has gone from an urgent requirement to a relaxed suggestion. If we need to leave the house or play outside, my kids pick their own clothes and get themselves dressed.
We have always eaten dinner at the table together every night. These days, homework is OUT, and kitchen dance parties are IN. I have been conditioned to think that when dinner is served, children will eat. They will eat regardless of hunger, and it is rude to refuse what has been cooked. They will sit still at the dinner table and never play with their food. This couldn’t be further from the truth- and it’s no fun! I made a choice to do things differently. I know that Eli doesn’t eat tacos, so I make him a quesadilla instead. Andre won’t eat a BLT sandwich, but he likes bacon and tomatoes on a plate. There is no reason why I shouldn’t accommodate my kids to meet their needs.
Our bedtime routine used to happen at the same time every night. It was firm, and the goal was always to get our kids to sleep so that we could have “quiet time”. Dinner, bath time, pajamas, brush teeth, read books, bed. No flexibility. We didn’t know what trusting our kids could look like. What used to feel like a forced and stressful time of the night has now turned into a beautiful gathering time for our family. Movie night isn’t just for Saturdays anymore. Creative endeavors can begin at 11pm without judgment. My children can giggle and play into the twilight hour without having their joy cut short. They are becoming much more conscious about when they feel tired and making a choice to sleep based on that feeling, rather than when we tell them to sleep. My husband and I retreat to our own space to unwind, everyone’s needs are met without resentment, and the night ends in a much more peaceful way.
The days of rigidity and tight schedules are behind us. Instead, we follow the natural rhythms- most often lead by the kids. We don’t live by the ticking of the clock. Whatever feels good- we do that! Of course we take trips, go to appointments, and run errands when we need to. The freedom comes with the choices we make. I won’t make an appointment early in the morning because that wouldn’t serve my children. However, a trip to the park might feel like a big reason to set an early alarm. The small choices we make on a day to day basis, what we say yes and no to, ultimately builds the life we are living. So many people forget that we can choose, we can change, and we can let go of what no longer serves us. I want my children to move through life with that same mentality.
There was a time where my morning consisted of nothing but rushed chores. Pack the bags, get the kids up and ready, get myself ready, take care of the animals, and so on. I remember feeling like I couldn’t breathe and that moving through the first part of our day was a blur. The outcome of these rushed mornings was almost always me losing my keys, losing my cool, spilling my coffee, missing my exit, and eventually arriving at my job feeling depleted and like I had missed out on yet another chance to connect with my children. There was no time to play, no time to joke around- there was barely time to hug them goodbye. The evenings revolved around unpacking from the busy day- literally and emotionally. I started asking myself if this is what I had envisioned for myself and my children, but I felt stuck.
I traded in that life for this one by taking small steps toward what brought more peace into our lives and letting go of the things that created an unnecessary struggle. Very slowly, with a ton of patience, we have cultivated a life and a work schedule that is built around having our children home, rather than the other way around.